last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
