You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is Oprah even human
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
