How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
