i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
