You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
