Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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