I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
