I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
