Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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