I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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