That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
