so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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