I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
