Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
