Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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