he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize