# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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