I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
