dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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