So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
