Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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