I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
