So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The power of my boobs compel you
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
