would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize