So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
