you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
