If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize