i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
