I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
