worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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