I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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