so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
