We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
