This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
