he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
