I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
