Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
