My room smells like vodka and shame
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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