Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
nutella sex= disaster
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
