my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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