Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
