I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
