if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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