I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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