I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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