You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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