I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize