I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
