Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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