; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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