So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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