Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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