so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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