so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
