Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
