I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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