in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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