So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
