I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Randomize
