I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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