nut hugger
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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