they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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