just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
