Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
