Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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