just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
