I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think my moral compass just broke
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
