If that was your dad, he is hot
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
