Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
