i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
