I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
