Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
