he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
